I’m linking up today with 5-Minute Friday, hosted by the fabulous Lisa-Jo Baker. It’s a challenge to write for 5 minutes and 5 minutes only, solely for the sake of writing. Not for perfection. Not for impact. Not for anything but the love of writing. Today’s prompt? HOME.
The first time I remember uttering the words was during my freshman year of college. Through tears and aching sadness, I wept into my pillow: I want to go home.
And then, during study abroad in Spain, over and over again to friends and whoever would listen: I want to go home.
Other times, too: I don’t want to be here. Out of town job training. An extended vacation. Long visits with faraway family. I want to go home.
I never thought it was anything but homesickness for a house, that brick ranch-style with the azaleas in the yard and the arching pine trees overhead. I thought it was a simple longing for that place and my family and the familiarity therein. When those words came rising up from the core of my soul, I thought I literally just wanted to go back there. To that house. To that place. With those people and those memories and that comfort.
A few years later, in the depths of unexplained sadness, the words came again. I want to go home. Only this time, I was home. I was curled up in the bed I shared with my new husband. In what should have been a joyous time in my life, I was sad and afraid and panicked. Though I was in the house I called home…I wanted to go home.
And at that time, I realized that when my mouth said those words, my soul was saying something much more. Wherever I am as I walk this earth, I am never home. This is a temporary stopover on an eternal journey. My heart will never stop weeping those words until I one day stand before my maker. Then, on that day, the longing will cease and I will at last be home.
“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” (C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity)