“Hurray!” his email said. “You’ll be PERFECT!”
That was the response of one of our pastors when I let him know that I’m on board to join a new branch of ministry the Lord is building at my home church. It’s become obvious over the last few months, really, that God is calling me into something new, and when approached about this opportunity my prayers about whether or not to serve in it almost felt pointless. It felt so right and exactly like something God would do. It made sense, and my heart was ready to go.
Prayer and much confirmation from other places reassured me that it would be the right decision, prompting the email that got such an enthusiastic response.
I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am to become involved. I’m thrilled to have the chance to use my spiritual gifts in new ways to minister to people and glorify God. Despite my certainty, though, I’ve still – remarkably – had doubts. (I fully believe it’s possible to be a hundred percent sure yet have doubts. I think it’s part of how we’re made.) Regarding this ministry, I have often found myself wondering if I can really do these things God is asking me to do.
I always worry about that, in nearly every area of my life, and the past couple of weeks have been no different. Do I have what it takes?
When I ask myself that question, the answer is always an instant resounding no. To my very human and limited mind, I’m inadequate and even kind of foolish for considering something that puts me out in depths so far beyond what I am able to do. I don’t have what it takes. Period.
So then I ask God the same question: do I have what it takes? I’m obviously hoping for something to reassure me that I can. However, when I come seeking the promise that yes, I’m perfectly able because He won’t ask me to do something beyond my abilities or confort zone…He has the gall to say the same thing I do to myself: “No,” He says. “You don’t have what it’s going to take.”
My eyes grow wide in shock that He’d say that, but He doesn’t stop there. He continues: “But that’s the point.”
I always sigh – the dozens of times this conversation happens in my mind each day – because I know He’s right.
I’m reminded of Mark 6, where Jesus is teaching 5,000 hungry men (not to mention however many women and children). He tells the disciples to do something about the hunger – feed the people – but they know they’re completely in over their heads. They basically tell Jesus, “We don’t have what it takes.”
The beautiful thing, though, is how Jesus responds. He doesn’t blatantly try to convince them otherwise, but flips their statement around in a way only Jesus can.
He simply asks them what they do have.
What I see here is how the disciples are so single-mindedly focused on their lack that they don’t stop to consider what they already have. They don’t have everything they think they need…but they do have something. And when they place their feeble offerings into His hands, we know how the story ends. It’s far more than the ministry need requires.
They didn’t have what it took, but that was no hindrance to the One who gave the instructions.
He knew problem: no, they don’t have enough.
But He also knew the solution: “Bring them to me.”
So the disciples had a choice in that moment, to continue arguing with Jesus or simply follow His clear instructions. I have a choice, too.
As God calls me into unfamiliar and deeper waters of ministry, I hear Him asking me, “But what do you have?”
“Well, God,” I say, “…I have social work experience and volunteer experience…educational background that will help…I have this personal relationship…these connections…a history of this and a passion for this…people tell me I’m…I feel…”
And yet I still maintain the position that I don’t have enough.
The disciples did, too – “5 loaves, Jesus,” they tell Him. Jesus was unfazed, and presents them with the choice that would change everything for those 5,000 plus people.
Because in their eyes, nope. They clearly had far too little to accomplish what He wants to accomplish through them. But in His eyes, it would be enough…if they were willing to hand it over.
It was only after giving Him all that they had that they got to see Jesus do what He so hoped He would get to do.
They had plenty. I have plenty. You have plenty.
It’s entirely possible that Jesus has called you into a place where you feel in over your head and inadequate: motherhood, marriage, a new job, ministry, friendship… That’s just what He does. But in those moments of doubt – which I’m sure have come – please don’t focus on what you’re lacking. Instead, hear the echo of Jesus’s voice in the back of your mind: “But what do you have?” And when – not if – that still doesn’t seem like enough, remember what God told me: “That’s kind of the point.”
Hand it over, friend. Watch Him do what He so hopes He will get to do, and see lives changed because of your obedience and trust. It’s precisely our weaknesses and inadequacies that glorify Him the most.
“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.’ Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)